January 23, 2010
I have loved learning and teaching
about self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-esteem. Yet, an of us -
myself included - can find ourselves attempting to
earn our self-worth. It has been my
experience that "doing for
others"for overcoming
low
self-esteem often becomes a self-defeating task.
While I recently was working on a series of newsletters called "Seven Steps to Self-Acceptance," I
realized I had fallen into the trap of measuring my own self-worth
and self-esteem by the value I
provided to others. A few months before, I had volunteered for a worthy
group project. Unfortunately, as a result of interpersonal challenges,
I found myself in emotional turmoil. Not only did
I feel a need to protect the project and other participants from
damage, but I found myself angry both with others and with myself for being unable to turn
negatives to positives.
Instead of building
self-esteem,
I found that my sense of
self-worth and self-acceptance was considerably
lower. Unable to turn the project around (in the direction I thought it should go), I considered
alternatives:
- Do I withdraw from the situation
(becoming a "quitter")?
- Do I acquiesce to the "bullying" of
one member (and set a weak example for the others)?
- Do I stand staunch for what I
believe to be right (dividing the group over what seemed to be
interpersonal issues)?
I felt I was in a no-win situation
and that nothing I could do would serve everyone. Realizing I was in no
position to continue with the project, I opted to honor my feelings and
withdraw for the present. Still, I was upset with myself for the
feelings of turmoil and conflict. My feelings of self-worth were quite low.
Then, I read something from a little book which
confirmed that my self-honoring was appropriate. In it, the author
reminded the reader that we need to allow ourselves to feel our feelings. When we attempt
to stuff our emotions (as I had had been doing for several weeks, feeling guilty for the anger and
frustration I was experiencing), we create harmful energy blocks in our
bodies (as well as - in my experience - paralyzing ourselves
emotionally and mentally).
Having read only a couple of pages, I began the process of accepting my "negative"
feelings - without making myself wrong. Feelings arise for a reason;
they
are reminders that we have been shutting-out a portion of our true selves. Only by paying attention to our
feelings - without judging them or ourselves - can we move forward.
When we recognize that we choose
our feelings (based on our beliefs), then
we
can let go of feelings of victimhood and powerlessness. By honoring our feelings, we allow
ourselves either to hold or to release them: No one can make us feel anything. (Getting married will not make anyone happy, nor can someone force us to become angry.) Radical Self-Forgiveness & Self-Acceptance CD/DVD Set
is an updated, extended version of the book I have, in audio
format. I believe you'll find it to be a powerful tool for transforming your upsets into peace with yourself - and with others.
No,
I've not totally completed feeling my feelings. Even while still
processing my attitudes toward myself, I acknowledge that only after I have accepted
my feelings will I be open to releasing negativity toward other(s) involved. Forgiveness/ letting
go is a process. Saying "I forgive her" is not really the same as letting go of grudges or bitterness.
We do not have to earn our self-worth. Nor
are we worthy only when we have "positive" emotions. Our real selves
give us feedback through our emotions. May we each learn to become more
"in tune" with those emotions, thankful that they are opportunities to
learn about and accept ourselves. May we also remember that we can have
healthy self-worth, self-esteem, and self-acceptance without having to "earn" them.
~BWJ
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Self Worth and Self Esteem
January 2, 2010
Having
spent more than a few years teaching English, more than
a few sitting in a pew, and MANY more years attempting to lose
weight,
I recently found myself struggling to understand why so many of us
try so hard to keep our New
Years Resolutions,
but
breaking them before February 1.
So,
what can I do differently this
year to expect different
results?
Each
January millions of well-meaning individuals swear off alcohol,
tobacco, and calories, putting their trust in their
determination/reso... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Attitude Adjustment
December 22, 2009
Parenting
advice seems
to be the a favorite form of advice. Parenting
- for those of us with a dominant advisory gene – brings out our
soap boxes. For much of my sons' lives, I thought if other parents followed the
guidelines that I had used in raising my
sons (which were virtually the same parenting styles my parents had used in
raising me), their kids would be obedient, trouble-free youngsters.
I
can now admit that following both sons' high school
graduation, I breathed sighs of r... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Parenting Styles
December 19, 2009
Ask
any group of primary-grade youngsters what their favorite
Christmas songs are, and you'll likely hear several voices yelling, “Rudolph,the Red-Nosed Reindeer!”
First
written as a story in the late 1940s, Rudolph's biography became a Christmas Carol, a book, a short cartoon, a
television special, and an animated movie. Six decades later we still love the story of how the unusual
red nose (the reason for bullying Rudolph)
makes him a hero.
Similarly,
beginning in the middle '60s,... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Attitude Adjustment
December 13, 2009
Here
it is again: The Season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah,
Winter Solstice, all of the above, or none, the hustle and bustle of December
seems impossible to ignore. For many, the frenzy of gift-giving associated with
Christmas brings up issues that connect both ... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Attitude Adjustment
July 12, 2009
The Hondurn"coup" and the knee-jerk reactions from around the world, I wish to depart from my usual posts about intra- and interpersonal relationships and air my observations about the U.S.'s reaction to Honduras's dealing with now-ex-president Mel Zelaya. Readers may wonder why an American writer-and-speaker, whose passion is with individuals' accepting themselves and treating others with respect, is so fired-up about a political situation to the south. I'll be glad to explain: My husband and... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon.
June 14, 2009
My previous post on bullying
discussed how bullying today has become much more than the
physical bullying of Grandpa's era. Often the bullying
is done in the emotional or psychological arena. To be effective,
bullying requires both a bully and a "bullied"
It is in this realm we also witness a
distinction between self-esteem
and full self-acceptance.
While
States are passing laws with teeth that discourage bullying
(such as moving the bully, rather than the bullied, to
another school), a grea... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon Jenkin. Posted In : Bullying
May 28, 2009
Bully-Proofing youngsters today looks different from the days when grandpa walked to school backwards in the snow, uphill both ways. Bullying took place mostly on the playground and involved fists and name-calling. It seems the boys were encouraged to "fight back" and "show 'em you're not afraid." Girls were encouraged to ignore or "tattle." Today, bullying is different. Although fist fights still exists, bullying often involves the cruelty of words - when no one is there to intervene. Today y... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon Jenkin. Posted In : Attitude Adjustment
May 27, 2009
I was talking recently with my spouse about what motivates us. Alan mentors people in the area of health, exercise (running - yecch!), and business-building. My passion lies in empowering others to develop 'emotional muscles": accepting themselves as they are, looking at "problems" with a positive mindset, knowing that the upset we may feel in this moment is not permanent. Part of my mindset came from my dad. When my mother would grumble that the house was a mess, Daddy would remind her, "Thin... Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Attitude Adjustment
April 4, 2009
This is my first post on my newly-designed website, EmpoweringForChange.com Continue reading...
Posted by Billie Willmon. Posted In : Welcome
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About Billie Willmon Jenkin
Educator, Speaker, Presenter with a passion for empowering others to value themselves and others, recognizing that gifts are often disguised as problems; to celebrate our unique qualities, which make the human race amazing!
Her youngsters' chapter book (The Knock-Kneed Cowboy) and two co-written best-sellers (more about them elsewhere) have given her the opportunity to connect with parents, youngsters, teachers, and groups, especially on the topic of self-acceptance and "pro-respect" (a healthy alternative to "anti-bullying")
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