Creating a safe school climate, the topic of a recent school staff development I presented, has led me to share some back-to-school advice  - particularly for those concerned about youngsters' emotional health.

This month children are returning to school and facing bullying in seemingly endless forms: taunting, name-calling, isolation, exclusion, etc., ad nauseum. Many forms - such as spreading rumors through texting and sexting - are usually hidden from the eyes of most adults. 

Adults’ idea of a bully being a playground bully - a big boy pummeling a smaller one - is outdated. While boys do tend to bully directly, girls - often led by a “queen bee” - tend to work indirectly, with planned viciousness, as the “hive” jockeys for acceptance from the queen (the “popular-mean” girl). As power and meanness shift, a formerly-accepted girl may find herself devastated when, overnight, she finds herself the target of bullying. I promise: NOBODY is exempt from BULLYING!

The Good News... IS there any? Yes - IF caring adults stand up, and step-in. Better still: teach youngsters to do the same. Statistics show that bullying can often be stopped IF ONLY ONE BYSTANDER steps-up! JUST ONE!!!

That standing-up, stepping-up and speaking-up must begin IMMEDIATELY! Bullies feel empowered by silent bystanders. According to Dr. Stuart Twemlow (psychiatrist- consultant for the FBI following the Columbine School Massacre), “There would be no reason to bully if the audience [the bystanders] failed to value the show.”

“Nip it in the bud” is excellent advice for reduction of bullying. If bystanders play wait-and-see (whether the bullying will become serious), that mistake might prove FATAL. Two recent Texas bullycides - that of 15-year-old Hunter J. Layland and of 13-year-old Asher Brown - both occurred in September (one in 2009; the other in 2010).

Those with elementary children, bullying turns serious long before middle school. Montana Lance, a 9-year-old attended a school with “zero tolerance” for bullying, hanged himself after having gotten into trouble for defending himself... allegedly after repeatedly reporting bullying to school officials.

Please, please, PLEASE: Teach your children that they are terrific human beings exactly as they are ... and that being unique is a gift.

Please, please, PLEASE... teach them to be kind to the “little guys” in life: the ones who don’t dress in the most “in” style; those who learn at a different speed; who are not good-looking in the ways this society considers appearance; who lack social skills.

Yes, I hope you will teach your youngsters to be grateful for what they have - but also be understanding and tender to those who do not have the same skills or talents. Be kind; goodness goes a long way in life.


- Billie Willmon Jenkin is an educator, best-selling author, conscientious presenter and educational consultant specializing in self-acceptance and positive alternatives to “anti-bullying.” Her book - The Knock-Kneed Cowboy: A Tale of Being "Just Right"... Just As We Are - is a read-aloud/ read-along/ read alone message of celebrating everyone's unique qualities, and is used in homes and schools around the nation.