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An Alternative to New Years Resolutions?

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 00:33:06 +0100

New Year’s Resolutions: Everybody makes ‘em; few keep ‘em. Remembering previous failures, many people continue making the same resolutions year after year. Others give up entirely, shaming themselves for their failure to keep resolutions. Before we set New Years Resolutions 2012, however, let’s consider how to set ourselves up for success.

Perhaps the “out with the old, in with the new” calendar causes us to look at what we have achieved thus-far and to question whether our progress will serve us in the new year. In the Northern Hemisphere, Nature has finished her harvest and awaits the germination of the next season’s crops. Whether conditioned by society or by Nature, most of us use the New Year to assess our lives... usually promising ourselves, “This year I REALLY WILL make those changes.”

Considering the word resolve, however, I find it no surprise that most of us fail to keep New Years Resolutions. The word itself (and its related terms [resolution and resolute]) carries the connotation of determination and, ... well, stubbornness. All that sounds very well, except for the fact that, psychologically, it’s self-defeating to fight ourselves.

“Wha-a-a-t!?!!” you may ask. “I thought it was necessary to be firm-minded and committed to change.”

No argument here with commitment and firm-mindedness. What is in question, however, is that most New Years Resolutions propose that we resist ourselves, that we go against our own desires and that we find fault with ourselves. Psychologically...

... What we resist, persists.

The resolution “I will lose weight in 2012” is worded for failure: First, it's worded in the future... always just out of reach. Second, what we “lose,” we somehow “find” again, don’t we? Instead, look deeper: Ask yourself what the goal is behind weighing 10 (60, or 200) pounds less: Being healthy? Looking great? Attracting a mate? Feeling good about yourself? All of the above?

Whatever the goal-behind-the-goal, see yourself as already having reached it (or, reached THEM)!

Next - without shame, without blame - state the desired end result in the present tense, using only positive language. For example:

“I celebrate my strong, healthy, slender body by enjoying fun activities with positive, energetic people.”

The affirmation above contains only positive wording; no self-accusations; no shaming for failure. Nothing to lose; only positive outcomes to gain. By wording your affirmation in the present tense, you program your subconscious that it's a "done deal."

To increase the positive effects of your New Years Affirmations, include the following:

Write an affirmation (positive outcome) for each area of your life: physical, spiritual, financial, relationship (and any other area you might think of).

Use action verbs and adjectives that you can visualize.

Read all affirmations twice per day, visualizing the outcome you desire.

Take “baby step” actions to move toward your goal. (Start a sensible exercise program; join a like-minded group of individuals who empower each other in a common goal; find an inspiring source of extra income.... Better still, find something that includes more than one of your goals-behind-the-goals.)

Keep your spoken word positive, staying in alignment with focusing on what you do want.

READ from authors who promote self-acceptance. (If we resist our self-worth, we also self-sabotage.)

Practice speaking words of affirmation to your best friend, yourself!

With affirmations - especially combined with visualization - our subconscious mind opens to receiving and achieving.

Forget resolutions! Achieve your New Years Affirmations with positive self-talk, along with baby steps!

Back-to-School Advice

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 00:29:53 +0100

Creating a safe school climate, the topic of a recent school staff development I presented, has led me to share some back-to-school advice - particularly for those concerned about youngsters' emotional health.

This month children are returning to school and facing bullying in seemingly endless forms: taunting, name-calling, isolation, exclusion, etc., ad nauseum. Many forms - such as spreading rumors through texting and sexting - are usually hidden from the eyes of most adults.

Adults’ idea of a bully being a playground bully - a big boy pummeling a smaller one - is outdated. While boys do tend to bully directly, girls - often led by a “queen bee” - tend to work indirectly, with planned viciousness, as the “hive” jockeys for acceptance from the queen (the “popular-mean” girl). As power and meanness shift, a formerly-accepted girl may find herself devastated when, overnight, she finds herself the target of bullying. I promise: NOBODY is exempt from BULLYING!

The Good News... IS there any? Yes - IF caring adults stand up, and step-in. Better still: teach youngsters to do the same. Statistics show that bullying can often be stopped IF ONLY ONE BYSTANDER steps-up! JUST ONE!!!

That standing-up, stepping-up and speaking-up must begin IMMEDIATELY! Bullies feel empowered by silent bystanders. According to Dr. Stuart Twemlow (psychiatrist- consultant for the FBI following the Columbine School Massacre), “There would be no reason to bully if the audience [the bystanders] failed to value the show.”

“Nip it in the bud” is excellent advice for reduction of bullying. If bystanders play wait-and-see (whether the bullying will become serious), that mistake might prove FATAL. Two recent Texas bullycides - that of 15-year-old Hunter J. Layland and of 13-year-old Asher Brown - both occurred in September (one in 2009; the other in 2010).

Those with elementary children, bullying turns serious long before middle school. Montana Lance, a 9-year-old attended a school with “zero tolerance” for bullying, hanged himself after having gotten into trouble for defending himself... allegedly after repeatedly reporting bullying to school officials.

Please, please, PLEASE: Teach your children that they are terrific human beings exactly as they are ... and that being unique is a gift.

Please, please, PLEASE... teach them to be kind to the “little guys” in life: the ones who don’t dress in the most “in” style; those who learn at a different speed; who are not good-looking in the ways this society considers appearance; who lack social skills.

Yes, I hope you will teach your youngsters to be grateful for what they have - but also be understanding and tender to those who do not have the same skills or talents. Be kind; goodness goes a long way in life.

- Billie Willmon Jenkin is an educator, best-selling author, conscientious presenter and educational consultant specializing in self-acceptance and positive alternatives to “anti-bullying.” Her book - The Knock-Kneed Cowboy: A Tale of Being "Just Right"... Just As We Are - is a read-aloud/ read-along/ read alone message of celebrating everyone's unique qualities, and is used in homes and schools around the nation.

Roles and Limitations

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 02:00:07 +0100

People play many roles in life. An actor who assumes the same role over and over, can said to be typecast. Scarcely anyone can imagine Jack Nicholson and John Wayne switching roles. Both men accepted the roles into which they were cast early in their careers.

Baby Storm's parents, hoping to avoid the child's being “typecast” based on societal expectations, chose to keep the child's gender private for now. Accusations rang across the English-speaking world: “A psychological experiment”; “raising a genderless child”; “imposing gender neutrality.” In a recent interview with KRIV, Fox 26 (Houston), I wanted viewers to consider a different thought: “How often in history we have put our children in boxes! Or maybe we ourselves have been put in boxes.”

Gross, Jenkin Debate Gender-Neutral Children: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

This post adds ideas not expressed in the short interview:

People worry about Storm's gender socialization. I, however, see great potential in delaying – and perhaps avoiding - typecasting based on the currently-prescribed gender norms.

Is it really so bad to allow children to feel great about themselves – regardless of what society thinks about the youngsters' gender expression, race, religion, national origin, alleged I.Q., or socio-economic level?

Studies document the power of the Pygmalion effect, which shows that teachers' expectations influence students' performance. When teachers believe their students are smart, those students – especially younger students - actually do perform better. In a famous study, the “smart” first-grade group's I.Q. increased 27.4 points, compared to only 12 points for the class without a pre-pasted “smart” label. (See http://www.ntlf.com/html/pi/9902/pygm_1.htm)

The Pygmalion effect, of course, can also work against individuals and groups. Others' limiting beliefs - typecasting – serve to keep people “in their place,” a priority for those in control to maintain control. One way to typecast others has been with gender roles. As long as girls grew up agreeing to become wives and mothers, power remained with men. Not only did few females aspire to become doctors, but even as late as the 1850's, Florence Nightingale had to fight her own family and English society to establish nursing as a female profession.

Judging and limiting people based on how we perceive them – their mental ability, sexual orientation, race, creed, gender expression, or physical appearance - does NOT serve us. Until we cease “monster-izing” those we do not understand, until we stop holding others to OUR expectations of them, we doom ourselves to fight meaningless wars – in our homes, our communities, and our world.

You bet I'm thankful that some folks just refuse to “know their place.” Hooray for courageous people who have sought and keep seeking the higher good! And, congratulations to Baby Storm and the two older siblings: You CAN be whoever and whatever you choose!

Gender-defined Norms: Boxed-in, Free, or Unguided?

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 20:22:35 +0100

The announcement that a Canadian couple had chosen to "keep private for now" the sex (often referred to as "gender") of their baby Storm launched an avalanche of opinions around the world, a great number of which severely criticized their decision... and their worthiness to parent. As a retired educator and the mother who managed to make PLENTY of errors in guiding her two now-grown sons, I'd like to seek a kinder perspective.

Perhaps we can attempt to understand (though not necessarily agree with) the parents' decision on privacy. Much of the criticism stems from the mother's revelation that the oldest child (son Jazz, age 5) had worried that the soon-to-be-born baby would be teased for making choices similar to those big brother made. (Jazz loves the color pink. He has chosen to wear long braids. He has been free to select clothing from either the boys' or girls' department … including pink dresses).

Jazz's young-child choices clashed with his culture's gender-defined norms, creating a stir among adults (who, I would surmise, then passed their thumbs-down attitudes on to other children). So, to avoid Society's demanding that Storm make gender-appropriate choices (as it had for Jazz), the parents' idea to keep Storm's gender private (rather than “secret”) must have sounded like a great one: If people didn't know whether Storm was a boy or a girl, they wouldn't condemn the child for being too feminine or too masculine.

The idea was that Storm - without gender-defined limitations - would have time to develop in his (or her) own way. Time to develop confidence before meeting the reality of societal pressure. That seems to have been the plan.

What people believed however, is that son #1 had been too young to make choices about color, clothes, and hairstyles. Those choices did not match today's gender norms. So, he MUST be confused about his gender identity.

Jazz in NOT “confused”: He knows he's a boy; he dislikes being called a girl. His tastes simply are different from what Society wants for him.

Surely, people believed, without strong guidance, Storm “too" would be confused about his or her gender identity. Without the public knowing what kind of genitals Storm had, how could the child possibly make acceptable choices?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rewinding the clock a few decades, I wonder how I would proceed if I had allowed my firstborn to choose the length of his hair and the style of his clothes. If he had "feminine" tastes, I might have regretted my decision to allow him free choice. Would it be wise to continue that path when other kids teased him?

Or, would it be better to take the reins away and start making such decisions for him?

"No, son: You goofed. Mommy is going to make your choices because you made unwise ones. We're giving your dresses away, and we're going to the barber tomorrow."

Great idea, huh? Poor kid can't even be "okay enough" to like the “right” color!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe – in Society's eyes - these parents did give their older two sons "too much" freedom - or too little guidance - in hair and clothing choices. Sounds simple enough: If parents had made Jazz look and dress in a more “masculine” fashion, he probably would not be teased about his non-choices.

In a similar line of thinking, if he continues to make so-called "feminine" choices, he very well may face teasing, ... BULLYING. But are there larger lessons - for Jazz, for his two younger siblings, and for us as adult judges?

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, age 5

Tonight I am to interview on Fox TV (Channel 26, Houston), and expect to have more items to explore afterwards. My belief now is that this situation – with the eyes of many nations looking-on - has a huge potential for all of us to examine our perceptions of others who are different (including those who parent differently from the way we think we would).

'Til we “meet” again, though, I'd like you to consider whether it would be better for
Jazz's parents to “wilt” (and recant) regarding their dedication to their youngsters' freedom, or whether they should empower Jazz:

"Son, some people are mean to those who are different from themselves. When that happens, we have to decide how much we believe in our own choices. I am always here if you want to talk about whether there's something you wish to change. It's good to consider what others say, but we may or may not agree with them. If the choices ever feel too big for you, remember that we believe in you and are here for you."

Whether we are kids or adults: we all differ in some way from society's norm. We may be “different” mentally (and acquire disrespectful labels) if our I.Q. Is believed to be too high or too low for others' comfort. Our perceived (or actual) sexual orientation, gender identity/ gender expression may not match our peers' expectations. Our race, religion, socio-economic level may be an excuse for others to shun or bully us. Many of us fail to accept ourselves because of our physical appearance (as in The Knock-Kneed Cowboy: A Tale of Being 'Just Right'... Just As We Are).

Eventually, though, we learn that the only person whose opinion about us REALLY matters is the one standing in front of the mirror looking back at us. As I remind myself each time I point a finger at someone else, three more fingers point back at me. What am I seeing in that other person, that situation, that I need examine within myself?

My wish is that we each learn to celebrate each other's individuality, and our OWN unique qualities. I invite you to post your comments here.

With greatest appreciation,

Billie

For occasional posts relating to self-acceptance and true self-esteem, be sure to register on the home page at http://EmpoweringForChange.com

Emotional Honesty: Joy and Sorrow

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 04:30:10 +0100

Sometimes timing is simply perfect. Some of us (I, for one) wrestle with how we “should” appear in the world. We “second-guess” ourselves, question our feelings, and their effect on others. Failing to feel what we think we “should” feel, some of us experience self-blame and withhold self-acceptance. Attempting to “put on a happy face,” emotionally we lie to ourselves and to others.”

Tonight a movie released several years ago - Cirque du Soleil: Alegria – served me as a reminder to play full-out, and to honor emotions as they are. Perhaps my experience will encourage you, too, to allow yourself to be honest with yourself and others in feeling - and expressing - your emotions.

Alegria is a Spanish word meaning joy, jubilation, and happiness. Little joy, however, was expressed in this movie. The title song (sung in Italian) states that alegria is like ...a madman screaming, a criminal cry, a lovely roaring pain, an assault of joy and a “beautiful roaring scream of joy and sorrow.”

Most of the movie was in flashback, a story told by a retiring performer to young circus performers. The flashback included three main characters: a mime called Frac, who was suffering bouts of depression; a circus singer named Giulietta (with whom Frac falls in love immediately); and a young boy, Momo, who (having escaped from a criminal who was taking advantage of children) tags-along with Frac.

Though at times the performance seemed pointless, silly; the message in this allegory made the slow portions quite worthwhile. As the retiring performer's story came to its end, the old entertainer spoke from the heart both to hearts of the young performers and to mine. His message went something like this:

“While you are performing, play your role to the fullest. Express fully your laughter and your tears, your joy and your sorrow. Play your life with full, honest feelings. For every day of your life, you change another's life forever.”

For those of us who have learned to deny our so-called “negative” feelings, receiving encouragement to be ourselves - to be who we are; to feel what we feel - is freeing. By being honest with ourselves and with our fellow human beings, we give them permission, too, to express themselves and the full characters they are.

Crow or Eagle? Pessimistic or Optimistic? "Gritching" or Grateful? Anti-Bullying or ...

Sat, 09 Oct 2010 21:59:11 +0100

Crow or Eagle? Pessimistic or Optimistic? "Gritching" or Grateful? Anti-Bullying or Pro-Respect?

Today has been one of those "Goldilocks 'Baby Bear'" days: not too hot, not too cold; just right. Gratitude and optimism come easily on such a day. So, today Hubby and I gratefully sat on the deck for lunch.

Before I get to the real message (of choosing optimism and gratitude and pro-respect rather than antibullying), let me relay what happened:

After the sun and the pleasant temperature, the next thing we noticed was the insistent, menacing caw, caw, caw of crows circling the north end of the lake.

We knew immediately that “Eddie” was around. No, not Eddie Raven... Eddie Eagle. (I know; kind of strange to give wild creatures personal names. But for us, doing so beats hiring pet-sitters or staying home to feed the usual domestic pets.)

Eddie is one of a pair of bald eagles that resides in our area. With several lakes, a national forest, and a State park nearby, they have a big area to hunt and fish. They are not, therefore, especially interested in crow eggs. (Dadgummit!)

But the pessimistic crows don't realize these bald eagles are disinterested in crow hatch control. So, if even one of the crows spots Eddie, it sounds an alarm. Immediately the entire crow population takes to the air, cawing the alarm - much like air-raid drills of decades past.

The crows get so caught-up in their worry and so insistent in sounding the alarm of the imagined danger, that they apparently forget why they're alarmed! Today they circled the north end of the lake with their bird-curses. Within a short time, though, the group drifted southwest of the lake, some still “complaining”; others, seemingly happy to extend their negative mood.

The decibels had scarcely diminished when I noticed a larger bird – white on each end – gliding above us (on the east side of the lake, heading north) in peace, unnoticed. Eddie then circled gently and passed overhead once more, disappearing calmly to the southeast.

The parallel I saw was that “we” (humankind; not one particular group) often pass along our fears and pessimism, needlessly alarming others. As with the crows’ alarm - though the potential for danger may exist - the persistent pessimism itself damages our life's quality.

"Some of the worst things in my life never happened."
- Mark Twain

Perhaps the tendency for pessimism shows up best in our discussion of politics. Just as our body reacts when we over-consume junk food, our mind and emotions react to what we feed them. When I read friends' political rantings, for example, my attitude turns to excrement.

Catching myself getting caught-up in similar human alarms, I often choose to refocus, reminding myself that if I want to live optimistically, then I will choose to feed mind mind and emotions with positive thoughts.
One such source of positive thoughts is the Optimists' Creed, called “Promise Yourself.” Below, see how a portion of that Creed feeds your mind and emotions:

Promise Yourself

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can
disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to
every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel like there is
something in them.

If you desire to live in gratitude; if you choose to live in optimism; if you want to soar with eagles, then you may wish choose differently what you focus on. Begin by surrounding yourself with positive, optimistic people.

You may also wish to “hide” your Facebook crow-friends' comments from your Wall. Even if we're not acting like one ourselves, if we allow crows to persistently spew negativity from our Wall, we're spreading the negativity by exposing our eagle-friends (and eagle-wannabes) to it! Love your negative friends and family, but - like the noonday sun - limit your exposure!

I've been guilty of passing-on negativity and pessimism. When I “catch” myself, I re-choose to - as much as I can figure out how - to work positively. Yes, I worry about bullying. I cannot "play ostrich" when kids are dying by bullycide. That said, I have chosen to focus on pro-respect, rather than antibullying. In our homes, in our schools, I want kids to learn what’s good about themselves!

What we focus on grows.
From The Secret, we learned that what we focus on increases, manifests.

Let's focus on - spread, increase, and manifest optimism, the positive; let's express our gratitude, both to others and to Spirit; let’s soar with eagles!

Let's start NOW!

-Billie Willmon Jenkin
author,The Knock-Kneed Cowboy: A Tale of Being “Just Right”... Just As We Are

Long overdue!

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 22:53:10 +0100

This blog seems like a woman who is about 10 months pregnant... LONG overdue!

I am in the process of starting a different type of blog, and intend to become a BIT more consistent in the future!

Earthquakes and Hurricanes; Strength or Flexibility?

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:32:11 +0100

A recent experience with the aftermath of an earthquake led to my weighing the comparative values of strength and flexibility.

When we purchased our property on the Caribbean Island of Roatan, Honduras, we debated whether to build our home in concrete or wood. The recommended contractor, a native of Roatan, built island-style homes - only in wood. About the time we completed the two-story structure (which sits on a slope of a protected bay on the Caribbean Sea), we learned that Roatan frequently experiences earth tremors.

Until recent years, visitors to the 30-mile long Caribbean island were primarily SCUBA divers, who were attracted to the pristine coral reefs. For the last several years, though, ex-patriots from the U.S., Canada, and Europe have flocked to Roatan, not only for the world-class SCUBA diving, but also for the real estate value (which is still among the best in the Western Hemisphere). Along with the dollars and euros, these investors brought an appetite for the more expensive concrete construction.

A new bank in the country (HSBC - which stands for Hong Kong-Shanghai Banking Corporation) decided to diversify and began offering home insurance on Roatan. Concern about how close hurricanes had approached the island in recent years led to their choice to insure only the strong concrete structures, not the weak-appearing island- style wooden homes. Those of us with wooden homes (ses ours below) had to take out policies with a different company.

Sonrisa del Sol
http://www.caribbeanislandgetaway.com/

In late May 2009, an underwater earthquake registering 7.1, rumbled a few miles offshore from Roatan. Friends of ours who lived in a magnificent 2-story concrete home, were jarred from their beds about 3 a.m. We arrived on island a few weeks later; other than finding a few broken glasses and one small crack in the sheetrock, our wooden home remained totally intact. Other wooden structures faced similar "damage."

A reputable insurance broker on Roatan recently explained what happened throughout the island. In his lilting island voice, he chuckled, eyes twinkling: "Yass, HSBC t'ought dey would lose lotsa money on duh wooden homes. W'ot dey din't realize, doh, was dat dese houses juss kinda shimmy wid deh eart'quakes. Den dey settle right down whur dey wuss before.We jess don' have hardly any claims on duh wooden, island-style homes. Iss doze big ol' concrete houses wot got all duh damages. But HSBC be plenty busy runnin' claims on doze STRONG concrete homes!"

Would I love one of those big ol' concrete houses? I admit they ARE quite impressive. I've learned, however, that often being FLEXIBLE - rather than STRONG - serves us best. Nothin' works much better than "rollin' with the punches" when Life sends us a blow to the midsection, a sudden change in our lives, or even when it sends an earthquake that shakes us up.

As far as withstanding hurricanes, it's the oaks - not the willows - that get uprooted! So, how 'bout it? Will we flex with the storms of life? Or is it so important to appear strong that we refuse to be flexible? Sometimes there are reasons to reconsider our long-held policies and outdated ideas to which we have held so long. Perhaps "strong and unyielding" are not the best qualities in all situations. What do you think, HSBC?

Happy People Learned How to Be Happy

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 00:52:00 +0100

Funny, isn't it, that infants quickly learn that their own smiley faces bring smiles back to them? Babies eventually learn, however, that their smiles don't always get the desired results from those previoously happy people. Although Baby learned the basics of how to win friends, influence people, and express positive attitudes with her smiles, she soon finds that crying loudly produces more immediate results (such as a dry diaper or a bottle) than smiling does.

So it is that shortly after we learn to be cheerful, we also learn how to complain. We somehow unlearn the advantages of positive attitude and develop "squeaky wheel" skills that get our needs met more efficiently. Some of us (okay, many of us) as adults still use complaining to vent our frustration and - as if by magic - to get situations remedied.

Something generally is missing in our logic, however. Why do we complain about situations that we have no intention of working to change? If we're not going all-out to change what exists, why trade-in our positive attitude for negative feelings?

I was thinking about positive vs. negative attitudes after having blogged about the different attitudes my brother and I have toward mockingbirds (see post entitled "Adapting Avian Attitudes"). I climbed into bed last night after having worked late at my computer. I was tired after what felt like a long day, and was ready for a long snooze. Just as I pulled-up the covers, I heard the loud squawking of several barnyard geese just outside our bedroom.

Suddenly, I recalled that many times I had cursed those messy fowl - both for the feathers and excrement they deposited outside our door and for their honks that "only a mother could love." Momentarily, I found myself wishing I had Baby Bro's .22 rifle (We are in Texas, ya know).

All at once, I realized what I was doing to myself: I wasn't going to run those geese off (not even if I had a rifle). I wasn't going to "fix" the situation (any more than I was going to "fix" city hall or any resident of the White House [past or present]). All I was doing was choosing unhappiness over happiness by focusing on what I did not want.

So I took the opportunity to "choose and move." I laughed at myself (Feel free to laugh at me as well, especially you, Baby Bro.), realizing how easy it is to "become un-trained" and let go of the positive attitude we have so carefully cultivated.

My advice? When you catch yourself focusing on your complaints, stop and re-choose. Find a way to look at the situation differently; laugh at yourself if you can. If other people have learned how to be happy, you can too. We really don't have to go anywhere to find happiness.We can simply choose to be happy.

Now, where are those ear-plugs I was going to suggest that Baby Bro should use?

Adapting Avian Attitudes

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:57:43 +0100

I adore my "baby" brother; we've always enjoyed friendly banter over the decades. I sometimes am surprised how much alike we think on some subjects, yet how differently on others. One of the subjects on which we differ is the Texas State bird, the mockingbird.

My brother detests them. On full-moons they sing loudly all night long, keeping him awake, he says. If it weren't illegal to shoot them, my redneck bro would surely have made mockingbirds an endangered species ... at least in his area.

Me? I love mockingbirds: Not only do they mimic other birds and mechanical objects beautifully (They do a great job reproducing the sound of a squeaky gate or the old style car alarm), but they're brave and feisty. A ticked-off mockingbird will chase crows and eagles, even when it's not nesting season.

My husband and I love to sit on the upstairs deck in the morning, sip coffee, plan our day, and listen to all the birds, but particularly to the mockingbirds. The other morning, a mockingbird was imitating a wren and kept the "conversation" going for two or three minutes before the wren got teed-off and left. (I know, I know: anthropomorphism, but I swear the little wren was peeved!)

That morning was sunny, and he (We call all mockingbirds "Marty") was singing his heart out, as if in celebration of the warmth and brightness of that January day. The next morning dawned cloudy and cold. Unfazed, Marty's cheerful notes burst through the gloom, as if he were reminding the sun it was time to come out to play. Our Marty sings during full moon, and serenades us on dark nights. He doesn't seem to allow his external environment dampen his spirits.

Seems that the male mockingbird with the largest repertoire (No, not a body part) is the most attractive mate to the females. The more songs he can show-off, the more he's likely he'll be chosen sire the next batch of birdies. So, while Baby Bro complains and moans about the racket of the audacious avian romeos, I celebrate that "Yo! Stud-bird!" lives in my neighborhood!

Baby Bro's and my different reactions to identical avian antics lead me to wonder: Do many of us find someone's constant cheerfulness grating? Is our reaction caused by our lack of joy? If so, are we willing to adjust our perception and allow another's positive attitude to buoy our own spirits?

Yeah, maybe someone's effervescent attitude is a bit easier to appreciate after our downing a cup or two of coffee. In either case, though, we can choose a positive focus; or we can choose a negative attitude by focusing on what irritates us. Our choice of focus augments whichever set of feelings we select.

Just in case I change my mind about mockingbirds, though, I'm keepin' earplugs by my bedside. Hmmm, maybe I'll send a few sets of those plugs to my anti-avian sibling to tide him over until he adjusts his attitude!